The Army of Drunks









September 2015
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The Wassail Christmas Special

Wassail Christmas Special!
with Jon Alloway and musical guest Surprise Inside

Hey kids. it's Christmas!  Has that hipster-douchebag Santa Rampage got you down?  Sit back with a steamin' bowl of Wassail* and learn about the Krampus Run, the old-school response to the red tide. We talk to Jon Alloway, veteran of the L.A. Cacophony Society and one of the L.A. Krampuses bringing a little demonic cheer to Christmas. Also, improv comedy band Surprise Inside improvs Christmas songs on the spot!  And we drop a bad Star Wars Spoiler before Santa guns us down!  Merry Christmas, wass-holes!  (NSFW as always.)

*But do not drink the Wassail.  It's horrible.

Direct download: AOD_Wassail_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 10:11pm PDT

The Old Fashioned Holiday Redux

The Old Fashioned Show Holiday Redux

with Johnny Amerika

Holiday time is upon us, and as the Drunks gear up for Season Two, we regift a show from Season One, now with added fruitcakery!  MixMa$ter Therm tells you how to make your own Holiday Five-Actually-Seven-Spice Liqueur to give as a gift to the ones you claim to love!

And join us with mad genius Johnny Amerika -- a man who builds the sort of machines you'd only come up with when you’re drunk -- as the Army gets ice-balls deep in the (Whiskey) Old Fashioned cocktail, a drink older than anyone alive today.  We also hear booze news from the rampantly drunken hamlet of River Falls, learn the story of a real-life Killdozer, and drink seven-week-old eggnog without dying. (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_Old_Fashioned_Show_Redux_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 10:23am PDT

The White Russian
with Aydrea Walden

Meet writer Aydrea Walden, a self-described "total whitey trapped in a black chick's body," and author of The Oreo Experience blog.  Together we get loaded on White Russians (get it?) and as she talks about her life growing up as the only black girl who liked the Pixies in a Texas high school, and her upcoming show at
(NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_White_Russian_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 4:08pm PDT

The Moscow Mule Redux
with Richard Horvitz and Rikki Simons (from Invader ZIM)

You guessed it: "Redux" is French for "Rerun."  It's summer and the drunks are taking a little vacation, but we're rolling out one of our favorite shows from last year.  Listen to cartoon voice actors and stars of Invader ZIM Richard Horvitz and Rikki Simons get loaded and tell true tales of convention horror.  Now with new interviews with Rikki "GIR" Simons where he does NOT talk about his role in Hilary Clinton's "E-mail-gate" scandal!  ABSOLUTELY NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.  (Though knowing our listeners, their kids have probably heard worse.)  And NSFW, as always, people.

Direct download: AOD_Moscow_Mule_Redux_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 6:38pm PDT

The Mojito Show

The Mojito
with Clifton James Weaver III (a.k.a. DJ Soft Touch)

What's the "Song of the Summer" for 2015?  Damn us to Pharrell Hell if we know, kids!  Popular music has failed us, so we sit down with one of L.A.'s most accomplished funk and soul DJs, Clifton James Weaver, and tap his encyclopedic knowledge of groove before August slips away.  We also sit back and sip on the Mojito, Cuba's most enduring contribution beyond cigars and a stream of angry expatriates to Florida! And: Could Ike Turner beat up Ché Guevara? (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_Mojito_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:06pm PDT

The Sazerac
with Ian McEwan

"Ask a Drunken Scientist!"  That's what we set out to do!  Somehow we met mathemetician and psycist Ian McEwan, plied him a lot of good rye, and asked him questions about science ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous and back again.  We also delve into the Sazerac cocktail, a drink that traces its roots back to a pharmacist in 1800's New Orleans.  No, there are no vampires involved.  This is science, a$$holes!  (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_Sazerac_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 5:20pm PDT

Short: 1990's - (Redeeming) The Appletini

Short: 1990s - (Redeeming) The Appletini
with the Army of Drunks!

Ah, the 1990s!  A time of transition between the sugary concoctions of the 80s and the more mature cocktails of times to come.  Where candy-flavored "bullshitinis" ruled the high-end drink menus of bars all over America.  We dive face-first into the Jolly Rancher-green Appletini and survive.  How?  Through the ingenuity of MixMa$ter Therm and his genuinely-worthy Apple Martini recipe.  Listen and be amazed!  (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_1990s_Appletini_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:46am PDT

The El Presidente Show

The El Presidente Show
with Jhonen Vasquez (extended cut)

Yeahhh... We were gonna do a show about the Zombie.  We really were.  But we ran out of time and hey, we've opened relations with Cuba again!  So in honor of all that, we had MixMa$ter Therm dial-in the optimal recipe for the Cuban classic El Preisdente!  Our guest is Jhonen Vasquez, comic book creator and brain behind INVADER ZIM, and we go looooong talking about bad movies, absurdity, and what makes you a robot.  Really. (Warning: NSFW -- or for chidlren -- as always.)

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Direct download: AOD_El_Presidente_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:53pm PDT

Father's Day Special - The Whisky and Pancakes Challenge
with Rev. Roemer and Mike & Kevin from Topline Wine 

You have a dad, right?  Or maybe you had one at one point but don't know what happened to him.  Either way, in honor of Father's Day, the Army of Drunks presents a short tribute to Dad's special day in the form of our dumb-ass "Whisky and Pancakes Challenge," and our clever-ass buyer's guide for anyone looking to buy a bottle of something for dear old patriarch.  (Thanks to the guys at Topline Wine for that.)  

NSFW as always.

Direct download: AOD_Fathers_Day_Special_1-2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:03pm PDT

Short: 1980's - Sex on the Beach

Short: 1980s - Sex on the Beach
with the Army of Drunks!

What are we doing?  What the hell are we doing?  Take your DeLorean back to the decade when Spring Break drinking became an institution as we -- grown stinkin' adults -- get drunk on the Sex on the Beach.  And joins us as we create more cocktails named after awkward college-age sex acts!  PAR-TEE!

Direct download: AOD_1908s_Sex_on_the_Beach_Show.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:12pm PDT

The Gin and Tonic Show

The Gin and Tonic Show
with the Choachella Hippos of Corporate Headquarters

Summer is almost here!  Time to get your gin and quinine and beat back the malaria!  Join the drunks and learn about the cocktail that will keep YOU from dying of mosquito bites the next time you invade India!  We also talk to artists Derek Doublin and our own Vanessa "Spork" Bonet about the most insane art installation at Coachella this year, the Hippo Corporate Headquarters.  (Warning: May contain a pack of lies.)

Direct download: AOD_Gin_and_Tonic_Show.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:04pm PDT

Short: 1970s - The Harvey Wallbanger
with the whole Army of Drunks!

Journey back to the era of bell-bottoms and key parties as the Army dives into the Harvey Wallbanger, the most delicious summer drink with the most made-up backstory.  Is it a girlie drink with a manly name?  Decide for yourself!  And try to keep up as we play "Real Cocktail or Real Canadian."  (And totally lose track of the score.  Sorry.  We were dunk.)

Direct download: AOD_1970s_Harvey_Wallbanger_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:20pm PDT

Short: 1960's - The Rusty Nail

Short: 1960s - The Rusty Nail
with Katie Massa and Bjork*

"Drink-a-Decade" enters the 1960's with a drink that sounds dirty but goes down sweet. It's the Rusty Nail, and it's the best use of Drambuie since getting your grandmother to pass out early at Christmas. We also sample an Icelandic bark-based liqueur called "Bjork," and Katie tells us the unexpected hazards of drinking in New York.  (NSFW as always.)

*The Icelandic liqueur, not the Icelandic singer.

Direct download: AOD_1960s_Rusty_Nail_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:32pm PDT

Short: 1950's - The Black Russian

Short: 1950s - The Black Russian
with Katie Massa and The Municipal Bloodbank Players*

"Drink-a-Decade" enters the cold war with a cocktail created for the amabssador of Luxembourg.  (Seriously.)

It's the Black Russian, a drink so sweet and delicious you'll forget it was born under the shadow of two great super-powers who hoped to destroy each other.  Learn about the White Russian and other far-less-drinkable variations.  We also reveal where the hell Spork has been hiding all this time.  (Spoiler: It's all about the Coachella Hippos.)  And we play "Black Russian, Bond Villain or Porn Star!"

*The Municipal Bloodbank Players do not actually appear in this show. 

Direct download: AOD_1950s_Black_Russian_Show.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 9:03pm PDT

Short: 1940's - The Hurricane

Short: 1940s - The Hurricane
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

"Drink-a-Decade" pulls into your harbor with the cocktail that was given away free to sailors!

It's the Hurricane!  Drink yourself back to WWII-era New Orleans, when scotch was rare, and rum was flowing like seamen on shore-leave.  Discover the fruity drink that made drinking in the streets famous.  We also discuss the New Jersey marschino cherry bust.  And Katie Massa vomits into Jason Berlin's mouth like a momma bird*  (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not vomit into anyone's mouth.


Direct download: AOD_1940s_Hurricane_Show.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:25pm PDT

Short: 1930s - The Brown Derby
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

"Drink-a-Decade" rolls on like a runaway freight train that only smashes a stalled-out schoolbus once every two weeks!

Drink your way back to the Golden Age of Hollywood with the Brown Derby, a delightful blend of whiskey, grapefruit and honey that was possibly invented by Douglas Fairbanks, but definitely made famous in a giant hat.  Also, Jason Berlin spills the beans on his Evil Grandma Betty, and Katie Massa punches-out a raccoon!* (NSFW as always.)


*Katie Massa does not punch-out a raccoon.


Direct download: AOD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:51pm PDT

Short: 1920s - The Bee's Knees

Short: 1920s - The Bee's Knees
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

It's "Drink-a-Decade," which is as catchy as we can pull off when we've had a few.  The Army of Drunks is profiling one cocktail to represent the spirit of each decade, and we're starting with Prohibition.  Enjoy the 1920's-era Bee's Knees, the cocktail so delightfully sweet it can mask even the most formaldehyde-laden bathtub gin.  (But we suggest something botanical.)  Buck and Vanessa are on break, so welcome Katie Massa and Jason Berlin, who can tell you all about evil grandmas and getting arrested while wearing Daisy Dukes.  (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_1920s_Bees_Knees_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:45pm PDT

The Blue Hawaii(an) Show
with the Army of Drunks

It's Tiki Time!  What's the difference between the Blue Hawaii and the Blue Hawaiian?  Not much!  But we dive face-first into the blue beauty that arguably started Tiki cocktail culture.  Plus, we once again turn to the great state of Florida for Booze News.  And Vanessa's Drunken Intervews!  No guest for this archive show, just the old crew getting loaded for you, listening public.  

Direct download: AOD_Blue_Hawaii_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:15am PDT

The Cosmopolitan Show

The Cosmopolitan Show
with Jackie Monahan

Happy Valentine's/Lincon's Birthday, folks, as we get to the bottom of the most famous "girlie" drink of the past decade.  We also talk with comedienne Jackie Monahan about how she went from the "lesbian comedian circuit" to dating a guy.  Plus, booze news fetures a woman with no pants and a special bottle of whisky.  (Very NSFW, as always. Particularly LGBT-friendly this week.)

Direct download: AOD_Cosmopolitan_Show_redux_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:03pm PDT

The Aviation Show
with Rico Gagliano

Does gin make a man mean?  Find out as we join public radio host Rico Gagliano of The Dinner Party Download and discover the Aviation Cocktail, a drink so smooth, yet so incendiary.  Also, we discuss the worst interview in rock and roll, Spork's Magic 8-Ball trip, and why cake pops can fuck off.  (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_Aviation_Show_1-2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:11pm PDT

The Old Fashioned Show

The (Whiskey) Old Fashioned Show 

with Johnny Amerika

Join us with mad genius Johnny Amerika -- a man who builds the sort of machines you'd only come up with when you’re drunk -- as the Army gets ice-balls deep in the (Whiskey) Old Fashioned cocktail, a drink older than anyone alive today.  We also hear booze news from the rampantly drunken hamlet of River Falls, learn the story of a real-life Killdozer, and drink seven-week-old eggnog without dying. (NSFW as always.)

Direct download: AOD_Old_Fashioned_Show_01-18-2014.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 5:44pm PDT

The Vesper Martini Show


with Cece Pleasants


The hell that fragile mama's-boy Daniel Craig!*  The drunks get loaded the original James Bond martini — the Vesper — made up by novelist Ian Fleming himself, and promise not to make a single lame-ass “shaken” or “stirred” joke.  We also talk to late-night comedy writer and comedienne Cece Pleasants about what it’s like to get cancelled, why some female comics turn gay, and the power of Arsenio’s finger.  (NSFW, as always.)



*Daniel Craig could easily kick our collective ass, and we have nothing but respect for him and his body of work.


Direct download: AOD_Vesper_Show_01-03-2014_1-2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:45pm PDT